49. Funeral

Sorry for the shock! I've started a new story too which will start sometime over the summer - it's called Jordan Junior - a story about Jordan being in the OHL. It will be a lot shorter than this one, perhaps fifteen to twenty updates at most.

Coldplay - Fix You


JORDAN'S POV


Max had asked me to accompany him to the funeral. At first I had had my doubts: it’s not my place as I was never very close to Gina and as Max had stated, it was only going to be close friends and family. That meant that Ella would be there – something I wasn’t entirely sure would be appropriate and I’m not sure how I would react in that kind of situation.

But Max had persuaded me, saying it was appropriate and Gina had helped me, in her own little way – it would be my way of saying goodbye to her. I couldn’t turn Max down; he had been a shadow of himself, locking himself away in his pad in Pittsburgh, barely speaking to anyone, not even his family.

From what his mother had told me when she called me, Max blamed himself for Gina’s death. She had told me exactly what Max had told her, that they had been messing about after drinking at a bar near the bymarket and he had run across the road, pretending to flout the Ontario law – it didn’t matter, he was a Quebeçois and didn’t understand English if they asked. Gina had waited on the side as Max had teased her from the other side, when he had seen the car coming but she hadn’t. And he had watched her die, unable to save her.

As I arrived at Max’s apartment, I noticed the pile of empty dishes in the sink, the trash that needed emptying and the plants that needed watering. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Max’s house when it has been filthy – Max is house proud to the extent that when he used to come and visit me and TK, he would make fun of us at our undomesticated bliss and our bachelor lifestyles. I filled a glass of water and tipped it over the huge plant in the corner before I started watering the little ones on the window sill.

“Leave them,” Max croaked. I turned around, frowning. Why did he want me to leave them? “Everything dies eventually.”

“Not if you don’t let it,” I said, immediately regretting my choice of words. He hadn’t let Gina die, he has survivor’s guilt as Lucy had told me, he blames himself because he survived and Gina died.

“Come ‘ere,” I said gesturing with my head. Max had dressed himself this morning but he needed to fix his tie or do something about it. He didn’t look like the immaculate Max Talbot, or the self-styled Mr. Superstar, man about town, that I was used to seeing. I started again with his tie as Max’s eyes focused on my fingers, watching me fiddle around with the material until it resembled something vaguely presentable.

“Thanks,” Max muttered. I nodded, it was the least I could do.

“Have you got everything?” I asked, not entirely sure what we would need for the funeral but I didn’t know what the order of events were.

“It couldn’t even be fucking sunny for her day,” Max said as he picked up a black umbrella near the door. I looked out of the window at the angry rain which bounced off the sidewalks and cars outside. It seemed almost fitting somehow that it wasn’t sunny – the sunshine wouldn’t suit the sombre mood of the day.

As we pulled up in front of the church we were among the first ones there. Max had said it was going to be a low-key event, just close family and friends, but I hadn’t quite realised how low-key. As more people arrived in a sea of black umbrellas, I realised we must have been around fifty to sixty maximum for the service. I looked through the crowd, looking for the familiar blonde head I had missed so much over the last two months. She was here.

Ella looked elegantly stunning I thought as I felt the breath constrict in my throat. She was wearing this beautiful black dress with a simple pearl necklace and a black wrap around her shoulders and heels. She looked so beautiful even with the pained expression on her face, her hooded eyes betraying the same emotion as Max’s. Her arm was linked through Félix’s as they talked to Gina’s mother and father.
Félix led her over towards Max and me. I watched as Ella immediately reached up and pulled Max into a tight embrace and gave him a kiss on the cheek as she squeezed his hands. She spoke softly to him, I didn’t catch the words of reassurance, but I saw Max’s face as he forced a smile.

“Jordan,” Ella said, looking up at me. I couldn’t read her face but her tone was rather short and she seemed somewhat surprised to see me. I held her gaze for a few seconds longer than was appropriate right now. “What are you doing here?” she hissed as Max drifted off to talk to Gina’s parents.

“I’m here for Max, he needs support,” I said. “He was about to propose and he looks and feels like he’s just lost his entire world,” I said back, trying not to argue as tempting as it was. Ella looked shocked as her eyes widened and her mouth opened as her hand flew up to her open mouth. Like everyone else, she hadn’t realised that Max was on the verge of asking Gina to marry him.

“Oh Christ, poor Max,” she said looking at his back as he stood next to Gina’s father.

“I’ve missed you,” I blurted out. I knew now wasn’t the time for this and it was a cheap shot. We were here for Gina, I shouldn’t be doing this here – but I didn’t know if and when I would ever have another shot. Ella’s huge eyes fixed on me, her face impassive as her eyes tried to read my face. I wanted to cup her face and kiss the tears that were threatening to fall away. She looked so vulnerable and fragile and I wanted to protect her and look after and never leave her. Félix frowned, “Now isn’t the time, you can talk later. We’re here to say goodbye to Gina,” he said as he lead Ella away into the church without a backward look.

The service was beautiful, there were flowers and songs and two prayers that were so moving. Max gently sobbed throughout, his head down on his knuckles as he tried to keep it together throughout the service. There were a couple of readings before Ella and Félix stepped forward to do their reading.

If I should die and leave you here awhile,
Be not like others, sore undone, who keep
Long vigils by the silent dust, and weep.
For my sake turn again to life and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hands to do
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine.
Complete those dear unfinished tasks of mine
And I perchance may therein comfort you.

It was beautiful and so moving yet very fitting for Gina’s funeral. Ella’s shoulders shook as she read the final few words as Félix put his arm around her and dried her tears. Even from here I could see the red rims of her eyes, but she still looked beautiful and angelic as she stood in front of the coffin.

As the service finished Max noisily blew his nose. “I’ll be back in a second, there’s something I have to do.” Confused I remained in the pew, watching the quiet French Canadian get to his feet and walk slowly towards the coffin. Kneeling down he opened his jacket pocket and removed the small box. I watched him take out the ornate ring and slip it onto Gina’s hand before he gently kissed her hand. Ella squeezed his shoulder as he stood up, she wiped the tears away with her fingers before hugging Max.

Ella led Max slowly back to the pew where we had been seated before as the music started and the pall bearers lifted the coffin. We rose as the coffin passed us, Max hugging me and not letting me go. I felt the tears streaming down my face.

"Thanks for coming," Ella said to me, squeezing my hand as she passed. I wanted to reach out and pull her back, to stop her from walking away from me. I didn't want to lose her again. Max shook his head and lowered my arm. "Not now, not now," he barely whispered. I nodded as I watched Ella and Félix's retreating backs as they walked away from the church.

The silence grew around us as the rain continued to pour down, the only noise coming from the beating of the raindrops against the umbrellas as we stood outside the church. Max stepped out from under his umbrella, tilting his head up to the sky and letting the water fall over his face, drenching his hair, his shoulders and his suit.

If I've learnt one thing today from Gina and Max's relationship - it's that you don't know what you've got until it's gone.