44. Vinnie

The Daylights - Outsider


ELLA'S POV


“I play hockey.” I swallowed, trying not to let my face show any signs of emotion as I heard the three words I liked the least. I felt like I’d just been hit by a ton of bricks. Needing to do something, I nodded in acknowledgement to show I had at least heard what he was saying. Suddenly it hit me – if he played hockey, he knows Zach, and he’ll know Jordan.

“You’re quiet,” Vincent said as I reached over for his ice cream carton. I just needed a moment to think. Jumping to my feet, I walked the few metres to the bin, feeling his eyes on my back. When I turned round and walked back I had a smile on my face.

“Yeah, sorry,” I replied trying to focus on what he had just said. I stood up ready to leave. As much as I love coming up here, I needed a change of scenery and a change of subject. I didn’t want to talk about hockey and I wasn’t going to lie about why I was suddenly a lot quieter. I wasn’t ready to justify myself to this guy I had just met. “You ready to go?” I asked hoping he would take the hint to head back down the hill.

Vincent frowned briefly before standing up, dusting the grass cuttings off his jeans. Quickly he pulled his sweater over his head which dragged his t-shirt with it, giving me a more than ample view of his toned abs. I swallowed and turned my head away. I hadn’t had sex for six weeks and my body knew it - reacting to just looking at his stomach was having an effect was bad even if his body is more than tempting.

I started walking down the wooden steps that would lead us back to Avenue des Pins and McGill.
“Ella, wait up!” Vincent said, running after me. I slowed down a little giving him time to catch up as we walked down the steps together.

“Something’s bothering you,” Vincent said as we reached a corner. I stopped and looked out across the view, half shaded by trees.

“A little, but it’s OK,” I replied. I didn’t really know what was wrong with me, I had automatically gone into that ‘fight or flight’ mode as soon as I’d heard the word hockey. All my defences had gone up despite feeling comfortable around him moments before. I wasn't sure if it was because hockey reminded me of everything Jordan related in the last few months, or because I was having deja vu but I didn't want him to probe into my words. Slowly placing a hand in the middle of my back, he led me over to a nearby bench and sat me down.

“So I don’t know you but you looked so lost this morning, like you needed rescuing from something or someone,” Vincent said.

“So you decided to rescue the damsel in distress,” I replied rather too sarcastically. “Sorry that was rude,” I added, catching sight of the brief look of amusement on his face. He was only trying to help me out and here I was pushing him away as quickly as I could.

“You looked like you needed fixing, or just someone to talk to. I don't rescue damsels unless they're trapped in a tall tower with a dragon,” he playfully shot back.

Fixing? Someone to talk to? I thought about his gentle words as I wanted to tell him about what happened yet I didn’t feel that I could open up to him. I had known him for less than three hours and already I trusted him, yet telling him would feel like I would be betraying Gina and Félix whom I had barely spoken to this last week. I felt a pang of guilt as I had neglected my best friends – yet I was on the verge of pouring my heart out to this stranger. Perhaps I did need fixing – but who was I to This last week I had felt like a broken china doll who needed someone who loved and cared about her to put her back together, painstakingly gluing all of the tiny pieces back into place.

The reason I felt broken was entirely my fault. I had called off our relationship as I had felt neglected and unwanted by Jordan. He hadn’t appreciated me or even called to say anything and it wasn’t for my lack of trying. I had called him several times, left voicemail messages and text messages which all went unanswered. After a week I gave up – what point was there when I wasn’t going to get a reply? I didn’t know why Jordan had just disappeared but it hurt like hell and I was fed up of being treated like shit, or worse, that I didn’t even exist.

“Well, thank you. I’ve just been an awful friend and I’ve been so self-involved recently. God, I’m emotionally dumping on you. This isn’t what you want to hear Vincent,” I said feeling sorry that we’d just opened a whole new can of worms.

“Vinnie, please, Vincent is so formal and French. So why are you an awful friend?” he asked completely ignoring that I was just loading my problems onto him.

“I split up with my boyfriend, we both loved each other but he recently lost out in this competition that was really important to him, and we didn’t speak for a month despite me calling him and texting him. And since then I haven’t really been focused on anything. I just ignored my friends because I knew Gina was going to give me the third degree about why I did it – everyone loved us being together, we were so good for each other… That sounds so sixth grade but that's the shortened version...” I trailed off. It was hard to explain the situation to a stranger without going into all of the ins and outs of our relationship. And I didn't want Vinnie to make the connection with Jordan so I avoided mentioning hockey.

“Sounds like you’re still in love with him then,” Vinnie replied.

I sighed. “I think, I am, but it's too late.”

“It's never too late. Well how about you go see him?” Out of the question. I can’t just turn up in Thunder Bay as some crazy ex who changed her mind. And I have too much pride to tell him I want to get back together with him, I don’t want to admit I made a mistake - not to mention that I can’t play with someone’s heart like that.

“No, he lives in Central Canada and I have this internship until the end of August. I can’t just go.”

“You want him back?”

“I don’t know.”

“It sounds like you still love him but you need to swallow whatever's holding you back. It also seems like you think you have made a huge mistake but you’re making excuses for yourself as to why you can’t go and get him back. And he loves you?” I nodded. “Well, if he still loves you, he’ll come and get you back, he’ll let you know that he still wants you.”

“Mmm…” I said. I’m not really sure, thinking back to Vinnie's comment about princesses and dragons. Life isn't full of happy-ever-afters and the good guy getting the girl - it's about the nitty gritty struggle of reality and the choices you make given on the chance you have.

Who knows if Jordan is my 'knight in shining armour'? I know firsthand that Jordan’s quite good on the romantic gesture thing – like the time he tried cooking me a curry for dinner or the time he filled his living room with hundreds of candles and blankets and we curled up watching a movie though (although he did that, I’m not sure he’s perceptive enough to know about this state that I'm in now - he would have to be a mind reader). I don't know or think he would do anything like that now. As far as he's concerned we've split up. I'm struggling with myself as to what to do. And how is he going to know how I feel now that we’ve broken up. I can’t tell him – that’s putting him in an awkward position and making me look weak.

“OK, well what do you want to do now?” Vinnie asked. I wasn't sure. Honestly I wanted to go home and think all of this through on my own and talk to Felix a bit. I feel like I've neglected him recently.

“Well, I have a doctor’s appointment,” I lied. I didn’t but I didn’t want to hurt this nice guy’s feelings by telling him I planned on going home. I wanted to go home and talk all of this through with Félix and call Gina. I needed to apologise to them both about how I’ve treated them for the last week. I haven’t been myself and I really didn’t need to ignore them – they’ve always been there for me when I make stupid decisions like this.

And it really wasn’t his fault that the fact he played hockey freaked me out – it’s just almost too much of a coincidence for my liking. I date a pro hockey player, ditch him and then another hockey player finds me in Montreal – it’s like I have a type or something.

“Well, can I have your number?” he asked. God this suddenly felt awkward. I quickly gave it to him and he buzzed my phone so I would have his.

“If you ever need someone to talk to,” he said, “about anything and you want some impartial advice, I'm always here. I think you should just pick up the phone and call him, just talk to him, show him that he’s still on your mind.” He flashed me a warm smile that I’m sure breaks many hearts in Florida before pulling me closer to him. Am I about to kiss him, I thought quickly as Jordan flashed into my mind.

“Thanks,” I said as Vinnie embraced me in a tight hug before dropping a kiss on my cheek. “I will do. Have a safe flight back to Florida and let me know when you’re next back up here.” Vinnie grinned, nodded and turned on his heel. I watched one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met walk away from me through the trees.


Sitting on the same bench, I pulled out my phone and turned it on. I had a couple of texts from Félix which I ignored – I can speak to him when I get home in a bit. Pressing 3 on my speed dial I called my favourite girl – Gina.

“Ella!” she practically shrieked as she picked up the phone. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for ages!”

“I know, I’m really sorry about all of that. How’s New York going? And the job?”

“Well, I’m not in New York at the moment…” I listened as she hesitated on the end of the line as I heard guys’ voices in the background. “I’m in Thunder Bay at the moment. My boss got fired last week for misconduct and they’re deciding what to do with me since they haven't found a replacement, long story, and Max was going to Ontario so he asked me to come with… and we got here yesterday… it’s all a bit crazy right now..."

“Thunder Bay?” I repeated, wanting to be sure. I’m pretty certain there’s only one Thunder Bay in Ontario. Which meant one blonde haired hockey player from Pittsburgh.

“Yeah, Max went to see Jordan, it had been planned for a while and I'm sort of tagging on.”

“How’s he doing?” I asked hoping he was OK. I didn't know if I wanted him to be OK. A tiny horrible part of me hoped he was hurting and crying over me. I quickly tried to banish that from my mind, that was horrible and low from me. Jordan would move on - as Noah had frequently told me, there are hundreds of girls who would cut off a limb to be in my position.

“Good. He asked about you actually.”

“And?” I pressed. I wanted Gina to tell me everything: did he look OK, did he look happy, what was he doing now, why didn’t he call me.

“You’ll have to speak to him yourself,” Gina replied.

“Gina! That’s not fair,” I said. “Wait, is he there?”

“No, it’s just Max making a lot of noise with the hairdryer in the bathroom right now. I still can’t believe he dries his hair with a hairdryer,” she whispered to me. “It’s so, unmanly,” she finished. I could totally see him doing this – he spent as much time in the bathroom as Gina did not to mention his love of shopping for clothes.

“Anyway, can I call you tomorrow?” Gina said, “I have to go now, but promise me you’ll pick up and then you can update me on everything and I’ll fill you in on everything else!”

“Promise on my life,” I said smiling. I had missed talking to her so much this last week I now wondered why I hadn’t spoken to her.

“Good, well we might be coming to Montreal in a few days too, so see you then?”

“Absolutely!” I squealed with delight before we said our goodbyes. Just speaking to Gina had already made me feel a lot better as if someone had lifted some weight off my shoulders. It was all my own doing, but I feel like I’m digging my way out of this crater I’ve thrown myself in to.

Even today, talking to Vinnie, a complete stranger before this morning, had helped clear my head and put things into perspective. I had been self-indulgent this last week to the point I had pushed everyone away from me as I played the victime. It was time to stand up for myself and stop being a spoilt brat and face life head on.